I think we should talk about how selfish you are. So many moms that I work with are concerned that their actions are selfish.
I say, you definitely ARE selfish. Everyone is selfish. If we weren’t our species wouldn’t have survived. But, all kidding aside, finding a person who is TRULY selfish, to the exclusion of the wants, needs and desires of all others, is rare.
I don’t think selfish should be a “thing” anymore. Not how you have been thinking about it.
If you don’t take care of your own needs, who will? Is there anyone in your life who sacrifices their wants, needs, and desires over and over again to make sure your needs are met? Probably not. Who’s taking care of you?
When you sacrifice your own needs and defer to the needs of others over and over again, it usually breeds resentment. This is usually where I meet moms.
They are done.
They are tired.
They are frustrated and sad, even angry!
They can’t take it anymore. They are suffocating.
They have been putting themselves last. Sometimes they think they have to leave to get relief! Will THAT be what your family needs?!
Taking care of your own needs is taking care of your self. That’s different than being selfish.
If I were you, I’d stop using that word to describe it.
You are important. Your needs matter. What you want to do with your life matters. Who you want to be as an individual is critical to your happiness and that of your family.
“So then I just shouldn’t care what other people want? I shouldn’t care what other people need?”
Why?! Why does our brain do this? Why does our brain tell us either we have to suffer in self-sacrifice or callously disregard everyone but ourselves? There is a lot of reasonable middle ground to be had!
Instead, put your brain to work on better, more powerful questions like, “How can I take care of me and also show up as the mom and wife I want to be?”
“How can I get what I want, and also love my family?”
What if you taking care of you and pursuing your dreams, if that’s what you want, is exactly what your family needs?
What if it could change EVERYTHING?
You’re not selfish. You’re just you. You matter too.